Guilt and shame are not useful emotions and not necessary. Everything that happened in the past is exactly how it was supposed to happen. The decisions you made. The events you cherish and the ones you wish you could erase forever. All of it is right on track. In addition, making the best choice you can is important, but there is no wrong choice. You will make it right. You don’t need to prove your value or worth. You really don’t. All of these things I teach tend to cause people to ask me, “If this is true then why try? Why not live a life of indulgence and even selfishness?” The answer? Because human beings have a basic need to grow, contribute and be love. We’re not satisfied with mastery because mastery is boring. We’re not satisfied with ease and comfort all the time because we’re designed for so much more. When you recognize that you crave challenge, you have a need to stretch and grow, and you are love at your core, you realize that trying is just part of who you are. And you don’t need to feel shame, guilt, resentment, self-pity or regret to try. In fact the opposite is true. Feel compassion and love and empowerment and that, is how you truly evolve.

4 replies
  1. Metta Prieto says:

    Jody, Jody, Jody…

    Thank you, of course, always (almost always).

    I *think* you’re bigger than this. Please don’t perpetuate the message that those of us who left the church are somehow unfulfilled. If it looks like we’re all having fun on Sundays, it’s because we are having fun on Sundays. The messaging in the church already drives huge wedges between active members and their friends/family who are engaging in “wickedness” and are out in the “dark and dreary world”, and you are SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THIS. If people are wondering how to make sense of the fact that other people who have left the church seem more carefree and happy than they are, just remind them that we’re not wicked, we just don’t have a testimony anymore, so we don’t go to church. Bam. It’s just that simple. Kthanks.

    Also, do you ever have this really weird feeling like you’re trapped between on one hand doubling down in the trenches with your target audience (Mormon women) for the sake of showing up 100% for your business, and on the other hand getting in there and seeing all of the harm and hurt that the church messaging has caused it’s womenfolk, and being like “Ahhhh! Get me outta here!”? Just curious.

    Thanks!

    Metta

    Reply
    • Lindsay Kjar says:

      Dear, Metta. I could be totally off here, but I don’t think she ever said people who leave the church are unfulfilled. She said some people look at their friend who has left and their new lifestyle longingly, thinking, “they seem happy.” To which Jody replied, “maybe they ARE happy.” But her point, I believe, was that comparing one’s seemingly “hard lot” to others “lives of ease” outside the church, is just an unhelpful thought that leaves out the importance of a better thought, like, “I want to do hard things because it challenges me, and that feels awesome!” Maybe the friend who left the church is also doing her own best challenge by stepping away from what used to feel right, into something that for her personal path is better and more strength inducing for now, and possibly forever. I too left the church, and I am excited about creating a positive dialogue about the language we use inside and outside the church to describe faith transitions. My shift has been challenging, but so crucial along my path to become the next best version of me, so I likewise cringe at the thought of being described as someone who now walks in “the dark.” I want Mormons and post-Mormons to keep talking about this, and to keep trying to improve our language describing those who have chosen to leave the church. Golden rule, baby! Love to you all????

      Reply
  2. Rebecca says:

    Love this and am tempted to have my teenagers listen too! You don’t by chance have a bold new kid series?!;)

    I’d love your recommendations on self help podcasts for kids/teens.

    Reply

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