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8 replies
      • Avatar
        Lindsey Baird says:

        I had a mini session with you last year and was going to bring up this question, but didn’t. And then I was going to bring it up in the workshop you did here in Utah, and didn’t. So…. I lived next to this wonderful lady, Carol. When we moved in my kids didn’t have any friends yet, and so my oldest especially and now my other daughter, made a close friend in Carol, who would teach them how to bake different things, and was just awesome for them. All of my kids go over there, and it’s like their special time, and escape at Carol’s. She was like a 3rd grandma. A few years later a family moved in on the other side of me. They got to know Carol too…..and soon it seemed that it became a competition on who’s kids could get over there first, and to be the favorite of Carol. I felt like this other neighbor was taking Carol away from me, and that I was being replaced and left out, and became angry and resentful to this neighbor. (Inwardly, and maybe some frustrating comments to my kids) We all struggled with that family, and I know it was partially because of my frustration. I don’t think I was ever outwardly mean to this neighbor. I know! How old am I! I was acting like a child! But no matter how I tried to talk myself out of it, and that it was in my own head, the feelings of dislike would go away for a little bit, but then they’d come back. It’s frustrating because I want these feelings to go away. I don’t want to have dislike for this person anymore. But I don’t need to be her best friend either because she just bugs me sometimes, I feel that she’s a needy person, and I have a hard time with needy people that in my eyes take advantage of others’ kindness. I try to look at things through her situation to have compassion, and it works for a bit, but then those dislike feelings come back. Do I need to ask for her forgiveness for these feelings I have had towards her, in order to work this through? I don’t think I could actually talk to her, I had just planned on writing her. We no longer live in that home, but I still see the FB posts of Carol that include this neighbors kids, and I have been debating on defriending this neighbor on FB so I could distance those feelings. I’ve been trying to get rid of these feelings for a few years, and don’t know the right tools to use, or the best way to work through it, obviously. Again, I tried to keep my frustrations to myself and was, to my knowledge not outwardly rude to her. I may not have come off as always pleasant because of my feelings though. Some toxic relationships you have to remove from your life, and I’ve been able to not be bugged anymore by others that had bugged me, but this one won’t go away! Help!

        • Avatar
          Jody says:

          Hi Lindsey –
          You can totally move through this and get to a place of love for this woman if you want. I would do that instead of deleting her. It’s much harder but totally worth it. There will be another version of her in your life at some point if you don’t. Let’s learn it now.
          So first you need to access your thoughts about her.
          REALLY get out paper and write them all down. Don’t edit or judge them. Just get them all out.
          Those thoughts that cause you to feel what you’re feeling toward her are the only reason you’re struggling.

          Begin by asking yourself a question like, “She is needy and took Carol’s attention/time etc… but so what? Why is her behavior a problem for me?”

          When you can answer that…you’ll discover what work you need to do on your mindset.

          • Avatar
            Lindsey Baird says:

            Thank you so much. With what I’ve done so far, I feel a lot better. It is so nice not to have that anxiety when I think about her. I’m sure I’ll have to keep working on this new thought, but so far, so good! Thank you again!

  1. Avatar
    Stef says:

    Let’s say you are in need of a babysitter. Your Mother is the only one who can watch them. If you offend her by talking to her about the licorice, she might not watch your kids anymore. You hope she won’t give them candy when you ask but if you make her mad… what then?

    • Avatar
      Jody Moore says:

      Why are you believing your mother is the only one who can watch them? You need to ask yourself if living your truth is worth finding a different way if it comes to that. If not that’s ok but tell yourself the truth and own it either way.

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