How to Want Without Needing

 

I hear a lot of women talk about loving babies and how the decision to be done having kids was so difficult knowing they would not have a baby again. While I can appreciate many of the things babies have to offer, I truly don’t share that sentiment. At all. Sorry folks.

I experienced that magical all-consuming love the instant each of my babies were born, but as a general rule, I think babies are very challenging. They cry and I often don’t know why. They are fragile I’m afraid I might break them. They are understandably freaked out and their little bodies are trying to figure out things like eating and breathing and pooping. Poor things. I completely feel for babies everywhere, but being one of the main people responsible for one of them is not my favorite phase of motherhood.

But I LOVE me a two-year old.

My Oliver is about to turn two and I love it. He’s silly and funny and tries so hard to tell us what he wants. Sometimes we get what he’s saying and we get excited and he gets excited! These are priceless moments. His personality is in full swing and he’s exploring life with wonder and excitement.

Yes, he creates messes faster than I care to clean them up, but he doesn’t hold a grudge beyond 60 seconds and he finds the smallest things to be laugh-out-loud hilarious. It’s a fantastic way to live if you ask me. Two-year olds are my favorite.

One of the things I’ve noticed in my own family now that we have a nearly-two-year-old in our midst is there are a lot more of those moments when you catch a glimpse of how perfect your life is. I mean, your life is far from perfect, but the moment is perfect.

When Oliver sees Macy and Isaac walking towards him after school and he squeals with the excitement that he’s about to be reunited with them, it’s one of those perfect moments.

Macy sitting on the couch with Oliver in her lap reading him a story, is a perfect moment.

Oliver’s little arms trying to reach around Isaac’s neck to give him a bear hug before bed; another perfect moment.

These moments, I believe, are when we stop needing anything to change in order to feel complete peace. Even if it’s only for a few seconds, we stop wishing things were different or better. We stop questioning everything. We don’t judge ourselves or the people around us. We forget about how the house is a mess or we wish our bank accounts were fatter and our bodies were skinnier. We aren’t worried about whether or not our husband, mother, or half-sister is ever going to change the way we think they should.

And yet, one of the things I teach and believe is that it’s healthy to want things. To have goals and desires and needs is not only healthy, it’s the best way to live a life where you achieve more for yourself and therefore have more to give back to the world. I believe that every one of us is wired with needs and desires, but emotionally healthy people feel motivated by them whereas others feel discouraged or guilty when they think about them.

But what if you wanted things without needing them? What would be the difference? So many of my clients struggle with finding the balance between being satisfied and grateful for what they have, and wanting and needing some things to be better, different, more. If you can ask yourself whether you WANT the change or NEED the change, you’ll tap into the power to be grateful, live in abundance, and pursue goals beyond your wildest dreams.

When we need something, we are waiting for it to happen before we allow ourselves to feel good.

When we want it without needing it, we allow ourselves to feel good first, which makes it much more likely to happen.

When we need someone else to change, we give them all of our personal power and it’s tough to love them as they are.

When we want someone to change (for their own potential happiness), but we don’t need it (for our own happiness), we take back all of our personal power and we love them no matter what.

When we need more material things to feel good, there will never be enough stuff to fill the whole inside us.

When we want material things without needing them, we become more clear about what we truly want and what we actually don’t in the end.

When we want to lose 20 pounds but we don’t need it to love ourselves, that’s when we lose the weight permanently.

When we want our best friend to come back to church but we don’t need it for our own testimony to thrive, our friend takes notice and the Spirit does the rest of the work. Even if the work only affects us.

When we want our family to have more money in the bank, but we don’t need it to recognize how perfect our lives are, we have the emotional mindset necessary to make millions.

In full disclosure, let me assure you I have not mastered this yet. Perhaps I never will in this life. But what I have become good at is recognizing the difference. When I need something rather than just wanting it, I don’t judge myself for it like I used to. I just notice it and ask myself questions like, “Why do I need that to feel how I want to feel? How can I tap into that feeling right now? What will change if I get to the place where I feel that way and THEN pursue it?” Every time I ask myself these questions I blow my own mind and amazing things happen in my life.

I hope you have an amazing weekend full of perfect two-year-old type moments. And I hope you will consider what you need, what you want, and your amazing potential to have it all.

xo

jody moore

 

 

Ways to connect and work with Jody:

Come to the LIVE workshop in Utah this summer

Apply what you’re learning by joining the membership group

Get mom gold and glitter in your inbox on Tuesdays

Watch the free 3-part video series

Invite her to speak to your ward or group

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