This week in Take Tuesday I sent out a message asking, “why?” I wanted to know why you’re thinking of your life as overwhelming and unfair and hard. We describe our lives this way as though we are just stating facts but the truth is all of it is the story we are telling ourselves and that story becomes our reality. Why would you want your reality to be so full of suffering and so lacking in joy? In today’s episode I’ll describe where the overwhelm is really coming from and give you back all of the control over what you want in your life. I’ll be using real examples that my lovely followers sent in reply to the email message so you can see these tools in real life action.
Homework. Kids hate it. Teachers probably hate it. Most parents I know hate it. But whether or not we agree, it looks like most schools are going to keep offering homework. Given that, there are 3 valuable lessons your kids can learn from homework and they have nothing to do with Math or Spelling. Homework provides a perfect scenario to teach them that they don’t “have to” do anything. Secondly it allows them to learn time management. Finally it can be the perfect platform for you to teach them what to do (and what not to do) with failure. Today I’ll offer you ways to help the child who is overly stressed out about school as well as the child who is overly indifferent. And of course I’ll be talking to you about how to get yourself in the right mindset to best help your child so that you are doing the job of holding them accountable and not crossing the line into controlling and manipulating.
CLICK HERE for Carol Dweck Ted Talk on Mindset
When Your Faith is Wavering
To have faith is to choose to think thoughts that will never be proven in this lifetime. We think about faith in a religious context but there are actually many things we have faith in every day. If you are a logical, analytical thinker your mind will naturally want to see how things add up. If you are a more organic, creative thinker faith might come easier. None of this means anything has gone wrong. In the LDS religion we talk about things outside of us making us feel a certain way. We forget to discuss the part about our role in what we’re feeling. The temple can’t make you feel anything. The scriptures can’t make you feel anything. Nothing outside of you can actually make you feel anything. The thoughts you have about the temple and the scriptures are what give you your feelings about them. This is not to negate the role of the Spirit, but rather to point out that Heavenly Father will never control your mind just as Satan can not either. Let’s begin by owning the truth about what we are experiencing, our role in it, and then deliberately choose what we want to believe.
When Your Husband Leaves the LDS Church
We all grow up hoping for happily ever after but knowing that life is full of challenges and unexpected turns. When your husband decides he no longer believes in the religion you both have practiced, it can be an all-consuming challenge that can wreck havoc on your marriage, your confidence, and the dynamic in your home. OR, it can be a way to provide your children an amazing opportunity, a chance to truly discover who you are and an opportunity to connect with you spouse in a way that is more authentic and sustainable. I’ve coached many clients through this challenge and today I’m sharing the main tools I use to help people find peace and empowerment when your spouse leaves the church.
I asked if you had any questions I could answer and you showed up in full force. One of many reasons I love you. Today I’m answering questions about everything from how to love your post-baby body to how to keep the intimacy alive in your marriage. Have another question? Feel free to post it here in the comments or email it to me and I’ll include it in the next round of questions and answers.
Finding Yourself: Discovering What Defines You
What does it mean to “find yourself” and is that a worthy endeavor or just an excuse people use for otherwise unusual behavior? This episode is all about why knowing yourself is an important part of intentional living and some simple exercises you can try if you want to know yourself better.
Everything you feel that is keeping you stuck is based on one of the two core fears I’m going to teach you about today. All bad behavior from yourself or other people is rooted in these same two core fears. The first is the fear of unworthiness and the second is the fear of missing out.
You don’t want to yell at your kids because you don’t like being “that mom” and you also don’t believe it’s good for them in the long run. But sometimes you just lose your patience and some days it’s harder than others. There is a reason for this. It’s your lower brain. Your lower brain memorizes behaviors, thoughts and feelings and repeats them. It’s concerned with immediate survival and helping you get more of what is pleasurable and avoid what is painful. It likes comfort and familiarity because that is what it has memorized.
This lower brain is an amazing tool that helps you to be effective in many areas of your life while operating on “auto-pilot” but sometimes our memorized patterns are not what we want to keep doing. Such is the case if you have memorized that yelling at your kids is fast, easy, and gets results.
So what to do? Well, first you must notice what’s happening. Observe the lower brain with the cerebral cortex (the higher brain). The higher brain is capable of overriding the lower brain but struggles to do so when it is tired. Observation and awareness of the lower brain will take it from feeling like it’s automatically happening to you, to noticing that you are choosing it. Make sure you do this with curiosity and not with judgement for yourself.
Then, you must become aware of the thoughts that are creating the feelings driving your action. When you begin by choosing new thoughts, your actions and results will automatically follow.
Give it a try!
This episode comes in response to questions from listeners about how to connect more deeply with other and how to feel comfortable when you’re new and feeling excluded. It’s human nature to want to be liked and noticed. But when we operate from a place of needing to be liked we open ourselves up to rejection and are less than authentic which is not an attractive trait. When you just decide to like others, be interested in others, and know that friendship is only a thought, that’s when people are drawn to you and ironically you don’t even need it then.
Today I’m sharing some insight about stress, hunger, and fatigue. Ever wonder if some of it is just in your mind? Or all of it? What is the difference? When you understand the difference between sensations and emotions (even when they feel the same) you’ll know how to find a remedy that truly addresses the cause of your problem. Failing to recognize the true problem means your remedy is only a distraction and might have adverse consequences like weight gain, lack of motivation or inability to find solutions. Click play and let me explain…